How everyone's gonna die, in a nutshell. Updated Wednesdays.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Nicholas Ducher (August 17th, 1985 - February 19th, 2005)

Nicholas Ducher has always been known to his family and friends as a very exhuberant fellow. Never fearing to speak what's on his mind, he hasn't always been everyone's favorite person. However, to the many who have come to know him, he is quite the exceptional human being. He was born in France in 1985 and grew up in the town of Lyon. After 6 years of living there, he moved to Paris where he had a brief encounter with a Jesus like fellow who taught him the true meaning of Christmas. Not quite a religious child, this encounter had little or no effect on young Nicholas. After a stint of living in Morroco from 1996-2000 his family moved to America, where he attended a French high school and upon graduating, was accepted to The University of New York at Stony Brook. Little did Nicholas know, his life was about to take a swift turn. He moved in, and met his new roomate, Jon. Jon and Nick didn't quite get along too well during their first semester together. They squabbled over many stupid issues frequently. However, despite their dislike for eachother, they had one similar love. When Jon first moved in, he brought a curious machine, one that the Frenchman was unfamiliar with because he was simply not American. The devise, known as the Gamecube, bound Nick to a most horrifying fate. They shared their similar interest in a game for the Gamecube known as Super Smash Brothers Melee, and through the game, a rivalry grew, and from that rivalry sprouted a friendship. Yes, Jon and Nick played their game every day, each day they grew more and more powerful in their abilities. However, their was one day when Nick finally surpassed Jon and the amazing accomplishment would also be his downfall. Jon accepted his losses at first, but over the course of the next two semesters, things got worse and worse. He began to lose to Nico consistently, and while their KO's were usually fairly even (although Nick's were always higher), it was clear who was the better. After his 3 semester at Stony Brook, Jon began to plan his re-emergence as the superior Smash Brothers player between the two. He spent nearly all of his Christmas break preparing for his next encounter with his rival. Upon being knighted by The Royal Super Smash Brothers Order, Jon felt he was finally prepare to beat Nick. The stage was soon set and the two fabled players once more battled brutally. However, after all the smoke cleared, Nick was still better and won the majority of the matches and had more KO's. This was a brutal shock to Jon and he finally couldn't take it anymore. Unsurprisingly, he soon began to plan Nico's death. Jon bought 10 bottles of concentrated Robotussin and began subvertively lying to Nick about his past experience with Robotussin and propositioned that they both try it one day. Nico, because of his accent and his unfamiliarity with American sarcasm, is very gullible and easily fell for Jon's evil plot. Jon, filled his 5 bottles of Robotussin, instead with Kool Aid while he gave Nick the real deal. They each drank their share and when Jon finished his, he bellowed "ohhhhh yeah" with great satisfaction. Thinking Nick would be too uncoordinated from the drug, Jon challenged Nick to what unexpectedly for Nick, would be his last round of Super Smash. They both made their way to the battle arena that was known to them as James's room and began to play. Nico's mind was heavily drugged by this point and he began to hallucinate. However, instead of becoming too messed up to play, Nick began playing better than anyone had ever played before. Within a matter of seconds, he had mastered the legendary "Wavedash" without even having learned it and even began to exceed the limits of the game. He played so well that James's Gamecube began to smoke and finally exploded into a cloud of smoke that almost seemed to spell out "You are truly the one." However, Jon was the only one to notice this and began to cry a sob that would last the next 2 months of his life. Meanwhile, Nick began to go beserk in a Super Smash based rage. He began to think he was Marth and start wailing on people nearby with a large metal rod. When the police finally showed up to take him away, he was speaking fluent Japanese and his actions were so violent that he needed to be handcuffed. They threw the troubled youth into the police car, and along the way to the station, Nick amazingly opened up the door to the car with his teeth, jumped out screaming "This is only my 500th suicide!!" and was run over by 10 speeding cars.


link | posted by Sven Byliner at 6:06 AM |


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