In the year 2027 Maddox, the pirate, finally snaps. Made famous by authoring the self-proclaimed "Best page in the universe." He is survived only by his beloved pet Rabbit, who he affectionately named Squirlie. In January of 2022 he developed a sick obsession with the contents of a blueberry pie he bought at an International House of Pancakes. Convinced it could only have been manufactured by Smurfs, who he once referred to in a rare radio interview as "evil communists," he sent a letter to his local IHOP. In the letter he demanded they stop serving blueberry pie, threatening to unleash a series of coordinated, deadly biological attacks on various employees and know IHOP supports if his demand was not met by 2027. His plan was to infect IHOP employees with a deadly form of Syphilis in the event that his very reasonable demand was not meet. Over the next year he kept a diary of his activities. Added together with his theories about the "evil Smurfs," their socialist society, and how they had cornered the blueberry market, the work is published in Scotland under the title "Where Gargamel Went Wong." Much like his old website the book gains a cult following and even makes it briefly onto the UK's best seller list. However, success does not comfort his troubled mind. The April 5th, 2027 deadline passes and he readies himself for war. Armed to the teeth with his pistol, an M4 assault riffle, and several syringes containing a rare, radio-active strain of the Syphilis virus, he begins to lay siege to his local IHOP. However, once outside, it occurs to him that he did not pack a lunch. Hungry from having skipped breakfast, he decides to go inside and get a plain waffle and some Jam before he carries out his attack. As fate would have it, the former president of the united states of America, William Jefferson Clinton, is inside enjoying a hefty IHOP breakfast. Bill's still got that smile, and like a sailor to the sirens, Maddox is drawn in. Fitting the description of a gun-wielding maniac, a member of the secret service unloads two quick shots into his chest. He falls forward, and dies directly on top of Clinton's table. Luckily, the former presidents popcorn shrimp and Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity meal are unharmed. Although Most of his Grits as well as his day are ruined.

Jonathan William Walter has always had little to say about himself. An incredibly humble creature, Jon has always been kind to those he cares about and never looks upon strangers with prejiduce. While remaining quite cynical about the rest of the world, he learned to just accept most things and observe and report, like a stenographer. You may be thinking, hmm, I bet Old Sven doesn't even know what a stenographer is, but you'd be wrong. However, I'd probably be right in assuming that you don't (Hah! Calling the kettle black!). A stenographer is someone who writes everything that's said in a courtroom. While not exactly the same thing, Jon always had a love for reporting, The News. Throughout his life he grew in prestige and even gained some political respect. His name swept through the journalism world after his exposure of Government Medicare funds being diverted to a Top Secret Military operation for training midget assasins. By the age of 35 he was Chief editor of The Time's Los Angelas bureau, and in 2031 he put out a book entitled "Traffic Light Karma" on a compilation of his many life experiences. However, only a few months after it's release, WW3 struck down upon the Earth. China, the worlds newest superpower, had rashly begun a Chinese supremacy style attack upon the rest of the world because of a devastating insult directed towards their public transportation system made by the country of Australia which was published in People magazine. The ensuing conflict, which happened to involve gamma radiation bombs and the like, left the world in ruin and sparcely populated. Yet Jon seemed to survive the turmoil and lived alone in a rural mountain town in former Colorado. While never too bothered by the events rampaging around the world, he did record them, entombing them forever in print. One low radiation day in the fall of 2038, he decided to try and get his reports on the end of the world published somehow. The 53 year old Jon went out on his bike with his greatest works and began peddling. He hadn't gotten far when a Semi began to appear in the distance. As the Mack Truck Behemoth approached, Jon felt a joy deep inside him. His 20/15 eyes could barely make out the driver, yet he did see who it was. The driver was The Incredible Hulk. Elated, Jon threw his work into the air, spread his arms and was taken away from all of us, by a jolly green being who's wisdom and power we will never understand.

In 2015 Steve Jobs is informed by his top Spy/Dungeon Master "Greg the mighty" of a critical flaw in Microsofts latest OS release [code name: "Barramunda."] Jobs has the information posted on the internet, where it becomes viewable by Hackers all over the world. This results in hundreds of thousands of separate attacks on various Microsoft servers, including Bill Gates own personal home server. Gates becomes furious when the plasma-screen digital paintings that adorn the walls of his mansion are changed by hackers to display various graphic forms of both animal and midget pornography. After years of lusting after profit margins, greed has eaten away at his sanity. Gates swears revenge on Jobs and dedicates a substantial amount of his own fortune to the development of "One foot long robot spiders that spit acid," inspired by the 1984 film "Runaway." However, Gate's evil plan [Codename: Hey, does anyone remember that weird movie with Gene Simmons in it... from the 80s... with acid-spitting robot spiders?] is discovered by the civilian press when a leading scientist on the project is blinded by an errant, somewhat premature, acid ejection. (Side Note: The scientist later became part of a class-action lawsuit, headed by famous actor Rainier Wolfcastle, against the makers of safety goggles that "Do nothing"). Jobs, being Gates equal in both ping pong and lunacy, decides to counter Gates gambit by hiring Tom Selleck, the star of "Runaway," to be his personal body guard. Unfortunately, while Selleck was great in "Three Men and a Baby," he is simply not capable of unclogging coronary arteries, and two weeks into his tenure Jobs dies of a heart attack while on safari in Saskatchewan.

Owen Cinclair lived in downtown Bay city for most of his life, alone. His parents died when Owen was only 12 years old. After their death he lived with his senile grandmother named Veronic Hanwacker. Veronic was a nice lady and her husband Stanley left her a toothpaste factory which she sold for 1.5 million dollars. So, Owen was taken care of for the rest of his life... or so he thought at 13. Veronic started to, how can I put this... go nuts. On top of that, Stanley was running an underground movement of sponges before his death. The FBI took all of Stanley"s remaining assets, leaving Veronic a small fund to raise Owen. Owen grew further away from Veronic and deeper into his own lonely world. When Owen was 17 he moved out of the home of Veronic. When he was leaving, she told him "put the toaster in the bagel because the birds won't swim in the apple pie if you make the sun run." Owen found a nice job managing a carpet store and found an apartment downtown on the top floor of an apartment building. One day after watching a special on the life of the armadillo, Owen decided that his life was just as meaningless as everyone else"s so he walked to his window and just jumped out. No one missed him and no one will remember him.